Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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