I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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