I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
