Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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