is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
