my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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