as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
