sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dicks are not precious.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
