can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
