That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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