Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
