if i can run in heels then i can drive
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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