Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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