Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
my liver is dry heaving
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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