I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
