fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
