Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
