i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
