just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
