Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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