i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
