I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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