I am puke
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
