i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
