Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
