I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
