apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
