New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
