Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
