so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
