and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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