I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
