I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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