Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
