she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
