Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
