i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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