Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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