I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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