Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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