There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
