direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
