I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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