i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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