Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
