We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
