Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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