Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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