In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
