I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
