Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
