i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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