legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
