it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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