come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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