Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
